Attendees
Joshua & Margie Boswell, Jeremy & Catherine Terrell
Transcript
Joshua Boswell: Hey guys, welcome to the Happy Family Club podcast. We're so excited to have you here. And we're really excited, we have an incredible opportunity for a real special treat. We have here with us today Jeremy and Catherine Terrell, and I should say, Doctor Terrell. Thank you guys for being here. This is a really cool honor.
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah we’re excited. Super excited.
Joshua Boswell: So, a little background on Jeremy and Catherine. First of all, they’re some of those incredible people that you'll ever meet. They live their life from a quadrant of serving and loving and giving to other people and individuals. We see this in the work that they do in the community, in the church and your clinic and your practice.
Margie Boswell: Your family life.
Joshua Boswell: Yep your family life, what they do with their children. I remember one of my favorite stories. Jeremy… I talked to him one day and he was a little groggy and he was like, I haven't slept 36 hours. And the reason was because his daughter was doing a performance at college and
Joshua Boswell: He drove, like four or five hours…
Jeremy Terrell: Five hours.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah five hours, stayed up all day, then drove home that night, just… ya know. That’s the kind of person, Dad, husband, father, that he is. And so that just epitomizes what these two are all about.
So we're really excited to have you. Now also so you know, Jeremy is an incredibly successful businessman. He's run multiple businesses, he's done a lot of stuff in the stock market. He's not a lot of stuff in construction. He’s done ya know lots of different businesses. Incredible entrepreneur and said great success there. And Catherine has had an amazing career as a clinical psychologist and just has helped so many hundreds, thousands of people and has a great background in helping people with anxiety and with trauma, and mental health issues. And so we're just excited to have you here.
Catherine Terrell: And they're great parents. They have amazing children too!
Joshua Boswell: Tell us about that.
Margie Boswell: Yeah, they have a blended family, they have nine children between the two of them and we've met almost all of them. Yeah, they're great here. It'll be fun chatting with them today.
Joshua Boswell: So we’ll give you a chance to tell them more about your story in just a minute.
Joshua Boswell: So let's start off with the main question at hand. Obviously The Happy Family Club was always about and forever about helping families be happier. And the reason we take that focus is because we really believe that if you're doing things right, happiness is fruit on the tree. It's a byproduct of living well and making good decisions.
And so we just know that as families and individuals in the family make choices that lead to happiness, they'll be happier. And they’ll have greater success in life. So that's what this is really all about. So our question for you guys, today giving your experience in your background, is what's one specific principle that you could help us identify today, that's going to help families be happier and more successful?
Jeremy Terrell: Well we talk about this a lot and obviously more recently…
Joshua Boswell: Yeah, actually… I'm gonna interrupt you right off the bat. Which I’ll probably do a whole bunch. But before we dive into that, maybe you guys can tell a little bit about your background.
Because you guys have a really interesting backstory in terms of your marriage and your life and your blended family and all that kind of stuff. And I think that these guys just love to hear that real quick. So yeah, why don’t you guys jump into that. Then we’ll answer the question.
Catherine Terrell: Well, this is our second marriage, right? So we are a blended family as you guys said already. Nine kids all together. We, ya know, were married previously. And so we learned a lot of lessons from those marriages and we've really tried to implement those into our current relationship and how we proceed and just how we parent and what we do with each other.
Joshua Boswell: Right.
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah I went out and married someone much smarter than me. I figured, if I'm gonna do it right this time, I better go get someone a whole lot better.
Joshua Boswell: UCan I…. Maybe you don’t want to tell this part, we can cut it if you don’t want to, but you guys actually originally met in high school or something right?
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah.
Catherine Terrell: Yes we did.
Joshua Boswell: Ok yeah so…
Catherine Terrell: And dated a little bit in high school for a short while I guess.
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah. We both can probably say We are from Jonesboro Arkansas. Yeah, we were in other areas really young, but the majority of our life is spent in our younger ages in Jonesboro. Yeah. And we actually came across each other in school and we hit it off. It was a short lived relationship. Really because I was a couple years older and I moved away.
Joshua Boswell: The old man.
Catherine Terrell: Yeah we forever hold that to him. Haha
Jeremy Terrell: And she went to school, and in today's time you can do that. Back then it's a whole different ball game. And we spent a lot of time on the phone. I actually got one of the first cell phones that you could put in your car.
Joshua Boswell: Ooooo.
Catherine Terrell: And we talked on it all the time.
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah, and then I got my bill at $700+, and maybe that doesn't sound a lot today, but back then that was incredible
Joshua Boswell: That was like, fifty thousand dollars right?
Jeremy Terrell: It was heartbreaking! I even got it shut off ‘cause I couldn’t pay that $700 bill. But
Joshua Boswell: Fun ride while it lasted.
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah, so long story short, we did end up… I was moving where she was and, ya know, life got in the way. And some things I thought I should have done that the world tells you need to do. Yeah, I actually did those things instead of following my heart, following what we had discussed.
So I ended up staying in upstate New York which is where I was working at the time. Got a job offer at a machine school and…
Catherine Terrell: And did the worldly things in school too. Yeah, he's taking the blame but you've got some…
Jeremy Terrell: We’ve got some great pictures together during that time. And ironically, when we came back together, we talked a lot about those times.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah
Jeremy Terrell: And she said… and I said the same thing is, we held our relationships after that to the standard that we set.
Joshua Boswell: That's cool.
Jeremy Terrell: And not knowing... I mean, I tell the story all the time that in successful relationships, there's no real… What's the word I'm trying to say here? Jealousy.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: And she would be like, Hey, I'm gonna go out with my friends, we're heading, wherever, whatever, I won't be here…
Joshua Boswell: When you were first dating, right?
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah.
Joshua Boswell: It wasn't like, There's this insecurity and jealousy.
Jeremy Terrell: And I got this big smile on my face because I'm like, Go for it. Have a good time. Right? And in relationships today sometimes that's not the case and it gets a little bit out of shape. So we spent a second lifetime judging our relationships based off of how great that one relationship was. And then we came back together and the rest is history.
Joshua Boswell: I think that's really cool… so romantic. So cute.
Jeremy Terrell: Right! 25 years later.
Catherine Terrell: It’s funny too because we have friends, occasionally, who’ll send us pictures from ya know… long ago. I’m like, Ohhh I haven’t seen that one! So it’s super sweet to have a little collection of those going.
Joshua Boswell: And for all the young people in the audience, yes, they did have cameras back then. Sometimes when Margie and I talk about when we were younger our children are like, Did they even have camera’s back then!?
Joshua Boswell: Rude, wow.
Jeremy Terrell: They were really big, but we had them.
Joshua Boswell: Exactly. So, tell us a little bit about your background, specifically your education and clinical work.
Catherine Terrell: Sure. So I did a Master program at Boston University in general psychology. And then I did another master's program and a PhD at the University of Mississippi in clinical psychology, and then proceeded to open up my own private practice. With some help from Dr. Sam Hester was really helpful for me in the beginning in Jonesboro. And he just made it really easy for me to kinda roll right out of graduate school.
Joshua Boswell: That’s cool.
Catherine Terrell: Gave me tons of referrals, and all that stuff. And so it was within six months, I was kind of up and running, and word of mouth and lots of him pushing clients my way, all that stuff.
Margie Boswell: So nice.
Catherine Terrell: And so it was really awesome to have him kind of as a mentor during that time.
Joshua Boswell: And do you have… I don’t know… people tend to gravitate towards specialties or preferences or like, Wow, that's my superpower, I’ve got really good at that. Right? So do you have something in that category?
Catherine Terrell: Well I do. But I would say that I don't turn anyone away. So… except for kids under the age of seven. It just takes a special person and I'm just not it, but I have treated a lot of anxiety, a lot of trauma, a lot of post traumatic stress… a lot of different things under that anxiety umbrella. Ocd and phobias, and just different things like that.
And I feel like… I don’t know why… Well, actually, I feel like it's just a God-given gift. Really. Because I don't really know why that would be easy for me, but it is. It feels simple to me.
Joshua Boswell: Margie says I’ve got a phobia of dishes.
Catherine Terrell: Oh… We can work on that.
Joshua Boswell: And turning socks right-side out.
Margie Boswell: We’ll talk later.
Joshua Boswell: So that's awesome. I love that. Because in our world today, I think there's a lot of anxiety. There's a lot of trauma and there's a lot of stuff that's happened to people that they struggle with. And it deeply impacts marriages and family. I mean just… it has such a ripple effect. The one individual can have such an impact on the rest of the family.
I saw that growing up with challenges that were in my family. It’s like… that one brother can cause a lot of problems.
Catherine Terrell: Right. Well and that's true for a lot of families. And there's a growing problem of anxiety. Things that maybe didn't make us anxious early on when we were kids is something that is showing up in the younger generation as anxiety provoking or traumatic or any of those things.
Jeremy Terrell: Catherine has great ability to connect with people. And it never fails, wherever we're at or whatever we're doing, people can just spill their heart to her.
Catherine Terrell: I used to feel like I had it written on my forehead or something. Yes. I would be at the grocery store and the lady behind me would start talking to me? I wouldn't even be turned around here and I'm like, Oh are you speaking to me? All the sudden, here we go.
Margie Boswell: Their whole life’s story.
Catherine Terrell: I don’t know why! But again, I think some of that is the Holy Spirit who is like, You can trust this person. And I try to be a trustworthy person. So I don't know. But God works amongst us.
Joshua Boswell: Totally.
Margie Boswell: Well I know our kids love.
Catherine Terrell: Well I love them!
Margie Boswell: They gravitate to you always. Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: I know they walk right past me to give her a hug.
Joshua Boswell: When we first met Jeremy we were like… I don't know. And then we met you [Catherine] and we were like… Well he must be a decent guy.
Jeremy Terrell: There must be something good.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah there must be something there because she’s obviously not an idiot so there’s got to be something.
No, actually… you guys both are great.
Okay, so anything else about your background? Anything you think we ought to touch base on?
Jeremy Terrell: We were both married before.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: And I’ve done several businesses, been successful at them, been not successful at some of them. I've made money. I've lost money. And, I was really good at trying to figure out how in the world to navigate through that. What I wasn't real good about was having to navigate through the marriage I was in at that time.
And I think that it was really important when we came together the second going around that we really just were like, Okay listen, Number one we should have been together first of all. Second of all, we came with some baggage with each other, and we were… Kind of going into your question that you had a minute ago… I mean we were determined. We're gonna do this one right.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Catherine Terrell: And so that’s really the answer to your question, I think initially that you asked is, What's one principle? And that's it for us. We have a strong desire to get it right this time and not to fight anything necessarily but really because we know that it will bring joy to our kids. We know that they would have a good role model to watch after so that they can learn from us and learn what relationships are really about. Maybe things we didn’t teach before then we want to want and want them to know.
I think that's our biggest desire, is just to get it right. Even when we don't get it right, we're like, Okay, how do we turn it around to get it right?
Jeremy Terrell: And you mentioned superpowers. And I don't know if that’s a superpower, but to us it is. Because it helps us kind of fend off the rest of the silliness that goes along with trying to get it right. And the silliness that is thrown in relationships these days that really makes it easy to get wrong.
Catherine Terrell: Yeah, because you can get caught up in the dramatics of the “I'm right and you're wrong” or jumping on…
Jeremy Terrell: Or getting caught up in our own desires.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah, right. Okay, So I'm really curious. I mean… the principle, which I love, is like, Okay we're gonna get it right. And I think, whether it's the first-time marriage, second marriage, third marriage… like, marriage deserves to be gotten right, right?
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah, absolutely.
Margie Boswell: For ourselves and for our children.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah, that’s right. For so many reasons, right?
Catherine Terrell: Right.
Joshua Boswell: So maybe you could paint a picture and put a little more detail behind what that means in terms of getting it right. What does that look like? I’ll put it this way, if I was a reporter and I was reporting on you guys' life, what would it look like when the day showed up when marriage was gotten right in you guys' perspective? What are some of those elements?
Catherine Terrell: That's a good question.
Jeremy Terrell: Well, one of the things is… and of course, they send us a lot of information, they've done some great research. So we went and read that we got to discuss it. So we're trying to be prepared.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: And part of that is you asked about one or two things that allow us to keep on hold of that. And one of our big things is we're gonna have disagreements. And we're gonna do things that… We're totally two different people, right?
Joshua Boswell: Right.
Jeremy Terrell: I'm a male, she's a female. She's awesome. I can somewhat be awesome.
Catherine Terrell: Well, we come from totally different backgrounds too.
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah, life, everything… I think it’s in our makeup. Who we are is our past, and how we react to it. But we don't take one moment and make it everything.
Margie Boswell: Right.
Jeremy Terrell: And so many times we see, even with… so we've got older kids. Oldest is 27, and so forth. And then we have one that just got married. We have one from Nigeria, and he just got married, and we're watching their dynamics, with their relationship.
And then we've got a couple that have boyfriends and girlfriends, and we watch those things. And so many times, they'll get into an argument. Something silly, and that becomes such a defining moment in their life.
Joshua Boswell: Right.
Jeremy Terrell: And if you make that such a defining moment, then that leads to the next argument usually.
Catherine Terrell: Or you store it up for later and then you think that you've resolved it, but then you start to have this argument and then all these things come rolling out and it's like, this person is the worst person in the whole wide world, and the one I love the most. It's like, how does that exactly work?
Joshua Boswell: Yeah, right. Right.
Jeremy Terrell: And we believe we're a team. So, take sports analogies or whatever you may… And you may have a bad play and you may fumble the ball or whatever may happen. You don't go back to the huddle and say, Hey, let's fumble the ball again! Right?
Joshua Boswell: Or storm of the field and be like, That's it!
Jeremy Terrell: So, in our life, we may make a fumble. But it's not defining us because we're on the same team. We still are absolutely on track to make sure that this works.
And so we identify that problem as what it is. It's just that we just had a disagreement. Right? Or we're not seeing it exactly the same way.
Joshua Boswell: Okay I have a great example of this. Do you remember our first Monopoly game together?
Margie Boswell: Yes…
Jeremy Terrell: We’ve avoided Monopoly.
Joshua Boswell: Literally, something that almost has never happened since, I won a game against Margie. And as a young married guy… My wife just loves to win, and I love her to win, but I won this monopoly game. And then I did something really stupid. I gloated about it.
And that caused a little bit of friction in our new marriage and I think it was 20 plus years before we played another monopoly game together.
So I think that's an example of taking a little thing… I mean it was a dumb board game! And we just… I exploded, right? Not a good idea.
Margie Boswell: We just kinda lost the good taste of it, ya know?
Catherine Terrell: Yeah, because yeah, we did that. I mean, we like to play cards.
Jeremy Terrell: We’re super competitive.
Catherine Terrell: Yeah. Well I’m less competitive.
Jeremy Terrell: But we both like to win. Whether it's just us two or with the family we play…
Catherine Terrell: Play cards almost every single night.
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah, Maybe 4-5 times a week and she'll go on winning streaks, and I'll go on winning streaks. And we do gloat to each other but, we can actually do it, thank goodness, in a way...
Joshua Boswell: Civilly.
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah, so nobody gets aggravated. But poor kids because they don't ever win!
Joshua Boswell: Margie always wins. For a while the kids were like, We’re not playing if Mother’s playing. We’re guaranteed to lose.
Catherine Terrell: That’s what my kids always said! Well it’s so funny because before we got together, or before we got married, I would play hearts with my kids all the time and they were like, I don't want to play cards with you anymore. This is like no fun to lose all the time.
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah it was the same way with me but then it became a challenge. We actually embraced that challenge. Which was different.
Catherine Terrell: Yeah it’s been fun.
Joshua Boswell: So I'm hearing, I mean, first of all is, don't take small things.... I mean, what right looks like in marriages is make little things little things.
Catherine Terrell: Right.
Joshua Boswell: I mean, they just are. It's a blip, it's human nature. It's not a catastrophic event. And I think the other thing I’m hearing you say is that it's okay to have some competition. It's okay to have differences, but to be loving and civil and respectful about that.
Catherine Terrell: That’s right.
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah. Yeah. And the thing is this again we’re a team.
Joshua Boswell: Totally. Okay. I love this too.
Jeremy Terrell: And we do not think alike. I mean our brains are totally different in the way we tackle certain obstacles.
Catherine Terrell: Even in the way that we brainstorm and the way that… I mean it's a nice marriage because it's so complementary in a lot of ways. Because I'm really detail oriented and he's very big picture, ya know? So we can really compliment one another like that. But he's right, there’s…
Jeremy Terrell: And she allows me those strengths and how about those strengths and we identify them. And in relationships these days… Not everybody, but a lot of people just go into a relationship thinking that it's going to be roses. And then they…
Catherine Terrell: Or that it’s supposed to be.
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah right.
Joshua Boswell: Right that it’s supposed to be. That's a really big thing. Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: And they didn't live with each other, right? I mean, it's like, okay we have an hour to a day, depending on how integrated the relationship is, but then they get married and they come together every day, every day, right?
And then they’re like, Wait a minute, I didn’t know this about you… I didn’t know this about you.
Joshua Boswell: Waaaaiiiit a minute! Right.
Jeremy Terrell: But, again being on the same team, with the same goals. And her avenue towards getting to some of those goals and my avenue towards getting some of those goals are different. And we understand that and we criss cross all the time.
But we’re ok with… I'm okay with her having the direction that she does.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah
Jeremy Terrell: And she's okay with me having the direction I go. And it's not a hindrance. It's actually like she said, it's a compliment to each other. And we really work hard at complimenting each other and identifying… Nobody wants a weakness.
Catherine Terrell: Especially me.
Jeremy Terrell: But… if you're on the same team, you can be honest with one another about the weaknesses.
Catherine Terrell: And be kind about them. I mean, it makes a difference if you're giving someone constructive feedback in your life, and you're like, Hey, listen… It just makes a world of difference.
Joshua Boswell: Yes. Yes.
Catherine Terrell: Yes. I actually think, one thing that I was just kind of thinking about while you were talking is, I think being married before helps us do some of that. And I don't know, that may sound weird. I'm not sure.
But as an example, putting the dishes away or something like that, or loading the dishwasher. I have a certain way that I load the dishwasher because that fits the most dishes, right?
Joshua Boswell: Right. It’s the “Right Way” right?
Catherine Terrell: Yes, it’s the “Right Way”. Exactly. Yeah.
But because we've been in relationships before, I think… And knowing that we have a strong desire to make it right this time. It's like… Well, okay. He did it that way. We're just gonna leave it.
And that's a small example, but I think that is globally across the board. At least for me, it's kind of like he does it his way, I do it mine. That is okay.
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah, in both of our past relationships. I mean, we can point fingers at who was wrong, who was right. The fact of the matter is that all four of us were wrong.
Catherine Terrell: For sure.
Joshua Boswell: That's right.
Jeremy Terrell: And we contributed just as much as they contributed at some point. And one of the things is that we don't point the finger at each other.
Joshua Boswell:So cool.
Jeremy Terrell: We did in our past marriages.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: And that leads to a no-end road. And like she says… it’s funny, we go grocery shopping... And I'm the opposite… So she loads the dishwasher the way it’s supposed to be done. Sometimes I put the cups on the right side when I'm supposed to put them on the left side… And I understand that, Wait a minute. Gotta put them on the left side. And then we go grocery shopping and I'm like No, you cannot put the chips before the drinks. So we're gonna move those.
Joshua Boswell: We’re gonna move that around… Let me take care of the shopping cart.
Jeremy Terrell: And we went shopping with her sister the other day and Catherine was like, Just let him do it. But we realize and we understand that we have two choices. We can let it irk us and like, He does this I can’t believe he does that…
But that’s how a lot of people handle those differences. And we see it a lot of times and we'll go out to eat or will be in a line somewhere and we're watching different couples and that's what happens. They are… instead of understanding and being like, who cares how you snack it in the dishwasher?
Catherine Terrell: Right.
Jeremy Terrell: I mean, we still like to do it our way and we kid with one another, but it doesn't make us a bad human being or a bad spouse because I got it my way and she's got it her way. It's been such a relief to understand that we're just human beings.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Catherine Terrell: And we’re different.
Jeremy Terrell: And we're different. And…
Joshua Boswell: And that's okay, right?
Jeremy Terrell: And our other thing is… I think what you have to have is the same end goal.
Margie Boswell: Mmmm…
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: And we talk about our end goal a lot. Now, her directions sometimes are different from my directions, but a lot of times they’re the same direction too. But our end goal is the same.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah
Jeremy Terrell: And if you have the end goal and you focus on that end goal together, then you can do a lot of things. And then you can…
Catherine Terrell: You can let go of a lot of things.
Jeremy Terrell: That’s right.
Catherine Terrell: A lot of stuff that you don't want defining you. And I think people, just to kind of rewind a little bit, I think people in society, we see a lot of people kind of jumping against one another. Where they're making it down the way and then they're like, Ohh… we’re against each other all of a sudden, because they didn’t load the dishwasher right or the grocery thing, or whatever the case may be.
Joshua Boswell: We were on the same team until you loaded the dishwasher wrong! Now, boom. We're opposite ends of the table.
Catherine Terrell: Right, now we’re against each other. And I don't know, one of the things I teach in couples counseling a lot is, How do you get back on the same page? Because really, both of you have the same goal, to load the dishwasher. And when it's done, it's done.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Catherine Terrell: And so if you both look at it together, like, here's the problem, and we're looking at the problem as opposed to, there’s two people on either side and I’m right and I’m right and I’m right… ya know? It just makes a huge difference. And so yes, we both have the end goal in mind and our end goal is eternity.
Jeremy Terrell: Together.
Catherine Terrell: Right, I mean gosh, when you can, it's difficult to do this sometimes as humans. But when you can take the perspective of God and look and go, Okay, there's more to this than what's in this moment. It's not just even in this lifetime. I mean, it's good to look at it that way, too. But it's even further down the road than that.
And if you can see past all of that, you know… who put the forks in doesn’t really matter, right?
Margie Boswell: It does not in eternity. It does not matter.
Joshua Boswell: Right, did you use the little slot or did you use just pile them all in, right?
So, it makes me think of, I mean, we see this as parents. Margie and I have see this all the time. There's a toy, nobody wants it. Suddenly one child wants it, then the other child wants it.
Margie Boswell: Time to fight.
Joshua Boswell: And pausing that and saying, You guys… If you'll play with it for a few minutes…
Margie Boswell: They’ll get tired of it…
Joshua Boswell: Or they’ll get tired of it and forget about it, and then it’ll just be sitting there ready…
Catherine Terrell: And then you can play with it!
Joshua Boswell: Right, and then you can play with it, right? And pulling back and having that proper perspective and not keeping score, not trying to be self...
And I think at the bottom of it, one of the things I think is really interesting about what you're saying here is I love the fact that you have not abandoned your preferences or your personalities. In fact, it almost seems like you guys have been strengthened in that.
You're more individual, more uniquely yourselves. Yet, you're combining and synergizing with each other by choosing to not be selfish in small details, right? Am I picking up on that? Because…
Catherine Terrell: I think you’re saying that right, and I also want to point out too that we're meant to grow and learn from one another, right? And so as we do that, there are things, of course, about me and my personality… for example, I'm very sensitive emotionally at times, and so it's important for me to be able to toughen up a little bit in some things. I don't have to be sensitive about everything.
Jeremy Terrell: Well and that… again, that's a challenge that I think a lot of relationships deal with. I am not emotional.
Catherine Terrell: True.
Jeremy Terrell: She is emotional. So let me tell you this analogy, this may not make sense, okay? So… Dog people.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: There’s people that have dogs, and then there's Dog People, right? Yeah. So what’s the difference? The difference is… like me, I have two dogs and I want those two dogs to do everything that I ask them to do, or I don't want them, right?
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: And that is just like a person with a dog. Now my daughter, my oldest, she is a dog person. Well the difference is, she has become a little dog. You know? She has. And so in life, I'm trying to make the dog be more human. So… What do you mean you don't understand what I'm trying to tell you? Go do what I ask you to do.
Joshua Boswell: Right.
Jeremy Terrell: And if you do it, then we're gonna have a great relationship. If you don't, then…
Joshua Boswell: Shock collar.
Jeremy Terrell: That's right. Now my daughter is kind of becoming a little dog. So she is down on their level, she's doing things with them, they do some things like… I mean even if I was a dog person, the dogs sleep with her sometimes, and I’m like… well that’s just crazy. But the relationship between her and her dog is way better.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: And in relationships, we have to do the same. I have to become a little bit more Catherine.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Catherine Terrell: And vice versa.
Jeremy Terrell: And yeah, Catherine has to become a little bit more me. Now, that doesn't mean I'm gonna become way more emotional or way more feminine, or any of that stuff.
Joshua Boswell: Right.
Jeremy Terrell: That's just not in my makeup. But in order for me to understand her, I have to want to understand. I have to be like, Okay, let me figure this out from Catherine's perspective, not my perspective.
And we've been able… because, in both of our first marriages, I'm sure they're doing the same, wanting to change us, we wanting to change them, right? Like, If you just did this, we're gonna have a good relationship. Or, If you would quit doing that, we would have a better relationship. And that's not the formula.
Joshua Boswell: Right.
Jeremy Terrell: And then, we're figuring out the formula, and the formula is, How do I see it from Catherine’s point of view? And what is it… Because, you guys have maybe said this before, or I hear all the time, it’s a 50/50, it’s a 50/50... No, it’s 100/100.
Margie Boswell: 100/100 For sure.
Jeremy Terrell: And we’re in it 100/100. I’m in it 100% and she’s in it 100%. Now, do we ever reach a hundred? Probably not. Occasionally…
Catherine Terrell: We strive for it.
Joshua Boswell: You strive for it, right?
Margie Boswell: That’s a good goal.
Jeremy Terrell: Right, and occasionally we reach those moments in real life, it’s like…
Catherine Terrell: Yeah, I knocked that out of the park.
Jeremy Terrell: It’s like, wait a minute… everybody back away. We're gonna spend a little time in this 100% moment. But the truth is, we don't… But I want to and she wants to.
And when you have that, when you have two people that want to be in 100/100… things, beautiful things happen.
Joshua Boswell:: Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: And people can see that, and our kids can see that, and it's like, We'll just watch them. I mean, they can get mad at each other, but they're not scratching each other's eyes out…
Margie Boswell: Right.
Jeremy Terrell: Or storming out, or one’s sitting there crying and the other one's not… that doesn't happen, and it's because I'm in. And so… I gotta figure out what I'm doing if there's a disagreement… to contribute.
She does the same thing. What is she doing that's contributing to whatever the disagreement is, and then we come together and we’re like, Ok Wait a minute, I'm sorry I did this.
And then we really… this is the hardest thing guys. For us. We don't have to be right. If I could tell one couple one thing to do to give them a Kickstarter in their life is… You don't have to be right.
Joshua Boswell: You don’t have to be right.
Jeremy Terrell: That’s right. Yeah don't argue about who's right ever.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah
Jeremy Terrell: Just figure out how in the world you get to getting back along.
Catherine Terrell: Mmm-hmm
Margie Boswell: And be sincere about it.
Jeremy Terrell: That's right.
Margie Boswell: Not like I’m putting on this face and I’m this martyr. It’s like, Okay, I was wrong. I’m sorry.
Jeremy Terrell: Or even if you don’t think you’re wrong and she doesn’t think he was right and vice versa. It's like, who cares?
Catherine Terrell: Who cares?
Joshua Boswell: Who cares? Yeah. So I’m wondering…
Jeremy Terrell: We just want to get along.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah! So, what have you guys done… And then I want to dive into a couple of things, but first, Two questions on my mind. First one is, you talked about having that same end goal, right? That same purpose. In my experience of dealing with individuals and couples, they have a hard time. Number one articulating that and unifying that end goal a lot of times.
Because a lot of times you'll see couples that get married and why did they get married? Because they were in love. Which sometimes translates to, I was sexually attracted to this person. And I felt twitterpated and I felt all these hormones and emotions… Or I came from a family where I was emotionally neglected, and this person paid a little attention to me. It’s like, Okay, let's do it, right? So let's move in together. Let's get married. Let's do all that kind of stuff.
And then they don't really… it's like, What's your end focus and purpose as a couple? And they really struggle with that. So first, I'd love to hear your thoughts if you have any insights, and maybe you do or don't, but how to clearly articulate that end objective? And in a unified way so that you're on the same team you're heading towards… the objective, we're gonna get the score, right? We're gonna win the game.
Catherine Terrell: Mmm-hmm
Joshua Boswell: The other thing that’s interesting to me, is your idea… and I’m asking two questions which is a terrible way to interview…
Jeremy Terrell: Catherine will remember them, I’ll forget them.
Joshua Boswell: Exactly… Margie will help you remember them.
Margie Boswell: Let’s see… I’ll try to remember…
Joshua Boswell: Yeah two questions, I can remember because I have two hands so I won’t forget.
But the other question is you talk about not having to be right. And getting to that spot where you're okay not being right. And I just would love to hear your process of getting to that point. Because that's very not human nature. For most people. And the way that I see that show up is that some people will just be really passive aggressive. So they're just so laid back and complacent that they stop contributing to the marriage. And that is just as much death as fighting all the time, from what I've seen.
Catherine Terrell: Mmm-hmm.
Joshua Boswell: Or the other thing is that one of them just totally overpowers and actually abuses… either mentally, emotionally or physically abuses the other and forces them into compliance. So they can have the glory of always being right, right?
So the first thing is that common goal. Well, you can address whichever one you want. But those are two questions that I'd love to hear your insights on.
Catherine Terrell: Well, I'm just gonna start with the second one if that’s alright.
Joshua Boswell: Of course.
Catherine Terrell: So this has been a process for us, because we're both intellectual, we’re both smart. He’s probably smarter than me. He’ll say I’m smarter than him but it's not true. But we both have a lot to offer. We both have a lot of things that we know.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Catherine Terrell: And that we know in our experience to be true.
Jeremy Terrell: And we both love to do research.
Catherine Terrell: Yeah and we both love to research…
Jeremy Terrell: So if we’re going to argue about something, we’re coming hard.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah exactly.
Catherine Terrell: We both love to learn, and we… ya know. All of that. And so it's been a big process because, coming in, I was just right all the time. I was just right all the time. And I think he was too, maybe? I don’t want to put that on him, but I feel like we were both kinda like butting heads some, because it was like, No, no. I know this is true. And he's like, But I know this is true.
And so it was really easy to kind of find ourselves sideways pretty quickly over something like that. And I don't know exactly how it occurred… Well, that's not true. We started praying a lot together. I mean, first of all, we started praying by ourselves, obviously about those things, and then we began praying together.
And that has made a huge difference for us. So there's that. But I also think that the process that took shape was because we found ourselves in that situation several times. And we're like, Um… This is not effective.
Joshua Boswell: Right.
Catherine Terrell: Thankfully we're both smart enough to see that this was a no-end road. You know?
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah and that goes back to the first thing is the determination.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: If we see something going haywire, and we're both sitting in silence for a few minutes, we’re like, Wait. Timeout.
Joshua Boswell: Let's roll that back…
Jeremy Terrell: Let me reach over and say, Ok, I don't know what I did, but I really screwed up.
Joshua Boswell: Right.
Jeremy Terrell: So let’s rewind.
Joshua Boswell: Let’s rewind…
Jeremy Terrell: And the determination comes in there. But she's absolutely right. We're both faithful human beings. And not everybody is. But do something, okay? We started praying once a day together. And then we started training twice a day. And now we're throughout the day talking about it and just doing things that allow us to have that connection.
Catherine Terrell: Reading different scriptures and talking about talks and…
Jeremy Terrell: And texting each other stuff, to look up and listen to, and all that good stuff. But, if you're not doing that, do something where you're sitting down together. But if you can, pray together.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: And you pour your heart out to God in front of your spouse about how awesome they are. And, Thank you for bringing me such an amazing person to travel this crazy life with. It really makes a difference.
Catherine Terrell: It does. It has made a world of difference for us. I mean, it's been a process and it continues to be a process. We're still learning how to proceed and all that. But when we went from just praying once together to praying twice together, I don't know that it was double the blessings right up.
Joshua Boswell: It was probably four times the blessings, right?
Catherine Terrell: Right, probably!
Joshua Boswell: Exponential growth.
Catherine Terrell: I’m constantly praying, Please magnify my efforts. So… and I do think they were magnified. I do think we’ve received way more blessings that we deserve even.
Jeremy Terrell: Listen, I don't want anybody listening to this thing thinking that we start praying together, then Boom, it was like, awesome. I mean, our first prayers together were like, Umm… Thank you, and peace out.
Catherine Terrell: We don't know exactly… So we’re just gonna…
Joshua Boswell: Hey well at least you didn’t pray like, Heavenly Father, please fix Catherine, right? I just want to say right now… just don't pray that way. Prayer is a great suggestion, praying that they get fixed, that’s not a good idea.
But I love that gratitude is a good idea.
Margie Boswell: Yes, wonderful.
Jeremy Terrell: And that goes back to my dog theory, what you just said. It's like, I don’t want to fix Catherine. I don't want to fix the dog. I mean obviously everybody wants a dog, but if you love the dog, the dog's gonna pick up on the things you want because they're gonna have such a connection.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah, that's right.
Catherine Terrell: And the same is true for us. For humans.
Jeremy Terrell: That’s right, and we've picked up on our own things that we didn't talk about, but that we're like, Oh wait a minute. I know how she operates. And I know how I operate, and we've adjusted our lives. I have adjusted several things…
Catherine Terrell: Oh yeah, me too.
Jeremy Terrell: …to fit with things that she's so great at or just things that she’s so sweet about or those types of things. I am rough around the edges sometimes. And it's like, I gotta soften up in areas, I have to, because where she's soft, it's so beautiful to see and be part of, that my roughness is gonna screw that up. Yeah, So those screw it up, right?
Joshua Boswell: So don’t screw it up, right.
Jeremy Terrell: And then we've got boys and girls. And it's like…
Catherine Terrell: It’s a challenge.
Jeremy Terrell: It’s like, I'm real soft on the girls and she's real soft on the boys.
Margie Boswell: Balance that. Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: And so we've got to talk to each other and be like, Listen, I'm gonna take the boys now...
Joshua Boswell: Yeah, right, right.
Catherine Terrell: AThe other problem is I’m soft on the girls too, you know?
Jeremy Terrell: And I’m hard on the boys, poor souls. But we're kinda big into… the women and the men have roles.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: It's not like a stereotype, whatever. Right? We just have roles. We have to fit into the roles. And I'm really big on our boys understanding that, as a male in a household, there's things that you need to do. You are the protector. Period. And there's some things like that. I'm not talking about… neither you need to work or whatever. All that stuff. I'm being simple here. You're the protector period, and you're the provider of security. In whatever form that looks like.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: And so I get pretty rigid with the boys about that. And she allows me to. And it was not easy to…
Catherine Terrell: Yeah, it’s hard. Because I know he's right about that, and I want that too and at the same time when it comes out I'm like… well…
Jeremy Terrell: Initially she would leave. Like… Okay, you got it. I’m going to be somewhere else. But now we can collectively do that and… But again it all funnels back to that desire. We could get mad at each other about how we handled… Because we handle each other's kids too.
Joshua Boswell: Right, exactly. Which is a really huge challenge.
Margie Boswell: A very unique challenge.
Jeremy Terrell: And I could say something, and she would be like… The mama bear came out, you know? And she could be like, Well wait till we get to the bedroom, right? We’re going to have a different conversation. And that doesn't happen. I mean, if she says something or does something, or if I say something or do something that we definitely disagree with, we definitely don't say it in front of the kids. But we may come back together and be like, Hey… next time maybe we ought to approach it in this way.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: And we'll talk through it and we’ll reach an agreement. Like, Ok, that’s how we do it.
Margie Boswell: Right. That’s great.
Jeremy Terrell: And again it just really is that overall desire to get it right. And so many times, you've heard me say this. What's the biggest problem about marriage? It's being married.
Joshua Boswell: Right.
Margie Boswell: There you go.
Jeremy Terrell: And one of the reasons is because it's like, We'll give it a shot, or we'll see how it goes, or… you know. Or man, this is not what I thought it was or whatever. And that's why the number one reason for divorce is marriage itself.
Because you know, we're in. And I think most people, not all, but most people go in to be in. And with the first one or two or three obstacles, then they start to toe out a little.
Joshua Boswell: Right. Maybe… I don’t know…
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah. And maybe they start to lean this way and, I think when things get harder, that's when we lean closer.
Joshua Boswell: Cool. Which is a huge piece of advice. I just want to double emphasize that. When things get harder, you're on the same team, so you lean in closer. It's like, Okay, this is the challenge, and we've got to solve this.
Catherine Terrell: And we’ve got to have each other to do it.
Joshua Boswell: Exactly. We have to have each other to do it. Yeah, I think that's some of the best advice that you guys have said so far because it's just so powerful. And that determination to see each other as a strength and not in an adversarial position. Or not as a, I'm just gonna go through this out on my own or whatever. It's like, Okay let's lean in tighter together and figure this out with each other.
Catherine Terrell: We learned that early on. And you know, divorce is painful no matter what the situation is and that was definitely true for both of us. But we were able to learn as things were challenging to like, gosh, we needed some big strong person that we could link to. I needed that.
And then, if he was struggling with something then he could sort of lean on me too. And usually, when he was struggling with something, I was strong and when I was struggling he was strong.
Margie Boswell: That’s awesome.
Catherine Terrell: And that happened a lot. Now, there have been times more recently that we both are struggling with the same thing. But we learned that early on and it became such a pattern for us that when it's not there, or when… Like there are times when we're struggling with something he may get distracted. And I'm like where’d he go? Where’d he go? And so then we have to come back together, and it’s like, Hey we got to…
Joshua Boswell: Reconnect.
Catherine Terrell: Yeah. Reconnect. Exactly.
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah and I didn't, again when you're in 100/100, you self-analyze way more than you analyze the other. And I think a lot of times in unsuccessful marriages, you're analyzing the other person.
Joshua Boswell: Right. Mmm-hmm.
Jeremy Terrell: And so in the beginning, I was like, Look I'm not screwing up another marriage. And she's this clinical psychologist so she knows you can't fix people, right? You can guide them, you can do things and give them the right direction. But at some point in time, they're gonna have to take hold.
Joshua Boswell: Right.
Jeremy Terrell: And I realized that in my last marriage, but we were both still fighting against each other so much that a lot of resentment and a lot of things came into that. And we were just like, Ain't happening. I'm not gonna be resentful. I'm not gonna allow myself to get into a situation where we're still mad at each other, we don't want to talk to each other. But if we do get into a disagreement, I'm not analyzing her, I’m analyzing myself.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: And what a difference that makes.
Catherine Terrell: And that’s your own process I think.
Joshua Boswell: Yes, definitely a process.
Catherine Terrell: Something you learn as you go.
Jeremy Terrell: And so she was talking about… we both have amazing strengths. And one of hers is she's great in the details. And one of mine is I'm great outside of the details.
Catherine Terrell: Big picture.
Jeremy Terrell: And some people may be like, Oh sure, works great outside of the details. But we work great together because I can get in these modes where I'm in tunnel vision, I'm full board, going and doing something. And her strength is to be like, Hey Jeremy, come back in here…
Joshua Boswell: Ground control to major Tom.
Jeremy Terrell: And, I mean, I hope… the balance, we need the balance,
Catherine Terrell: I’m a stop and smell the roses kind of person. And like, Oh look at that over there!
Joshua Boswell: And he’s a run over the roses with a Bobcat kind of person.
Catherine Terrell: Yeah, that’s right. What roses? What are you talking about?
Jeremy Terrell: And it’s a great analogy because sometimes you’ve got to run over the roses to see the field of roses.
Joshua Boswell: Exactly. Right.
Margie Boswell: There you go.
Jeremy Terrell: And she allows me to do that. Sometimes. And sometimes I gotta stop, because there's only a little bit of roses. Like you said and I love that. And one of the things that she did for me was and we made a whole Jeep page about it, but it's sunsets. And she allowed me to see God's beauty and just the beauty of itself in sunsets.
Joshua Boswell: That’s cool.
Jeremy Terrell: So now…
Catherine Terrell: So now our camera is full.
Jeremy Terrell: Oh yeah, we taste them. Yeah. And we’ve had some pretty amazing ones but…
Catherine Terrell: That was my dad. My dad, he was huge into sunsets and nature and all of that. And so, we spent a lot of time sitting out on the back porch just watching it rain and stuff. And he was always like, don’t you just love it?
Margie Boswell: That’s so cute.
Jeremy Terrell: But she helped me do that. She helped me soften up about that and take something as simple as something that happens every day. I mean, sometimes it doesn't when it's raining, but it happens every day. It’s a sunset.
Joshua Boswell: So beautiful.
Jeremy Terrell: And we find some real peace, and connection when we go check out a sunset.
Margie Boswell: That’s great.
Joshua Boswell: Okay so… we’ve run down a number of rabbit trails, it’s just been awesome insights.
Margie Boswell: Just amazing. We could talk all day!
Joshua Boswell: I know, we really could.
Margie Boswell: They have so much wisdom to share. Thank you
Joshua Boswell: So much wisdom.
Jeremy Terrell: We love it.
Catherine Terrell: It’s been so fun.
Joshua Boswell: We probably already covered it, but just to kinda clarify… are there three specific, kind of bullet point action item things that we could share with these guys? That would help them, that they could apply immediately? I mean, again, you've already covered a number of things, but if you've got anything else to share, we’d love to hear it.
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah, I think number one is this, don't make them big things out of simple moments.
Catherine Terrell: Right. Don't make the bad moments defining.
Joshua Boswell: Defining. Right.
Margie Boswell: Okay, that’s a good way to put it.
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah, two is big picture. Have the…
Margie Boswell: Have the end goal in mind, right? Okay.
Catherine Terrell: Right, both be working towards that.
Jeremy Terrell: And three is pray together. It's cliche, pray together, stay together.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah but it’s so true.
Jeremy Terrell: But it’s still true.
Margie Boswell: It is still true.
Catherine Terrell: And I think the more you can grow into that… because sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's like we forgot this week, whatever. And I get that because it happens. But if you can start somewhere and just grow into it, you just see the blessings all along the way.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Catherine Terrell: We look back and are like, Gosh where we were two years ago, is so different from where we are now. And how connected we are to each other. But also to Heavenly Father and the Holy Spirit and listening to them. And being able to both hear His voice at times.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah. Super.
Jeremy Terrell: I mean collectively to hear the voice of God… How cool is it when you pray about something independently, and you come back together and the answer is the same?
Joshua Boswell: Yay! There it is!
Jeremy Terrell: Man we gotta do that again.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah like, That’s awesome let’s do that again.
Margie Boswell: Yep, there you go.
Catherine Terrell: I love that.
Joshua Boswell: So talk about that for just a minute because I think this is… You know, these other things like not making the bad moments the defining moments, and being able to have that commonality and that goal, I think these are things that a lot of people… can Google that and kind of wrap your head around some of those things even though… Like a good friend of mine, also a business mentor, he says, common sense is not common practice, right?
So like that… it just doesn't happen all the time. So those are all awesome things. But the prayer thing is interesting, because, I think that a lot of people would struggle with that. Like Okay well, maybe they never prayed as a couple before. And so now they are gonna have a prayer at night, and like you said, it's like, Hey, thanks for letting us be married. Amen. Done. Right?
So, what are some like different categories or kinds of things you guys address? Without… I mean, unless you want to get really personal, but let's just tell some things that you address in your prayers that you’ve found to be like… Wow, that was really helpful.
Jeremy Terrell: So we'll start at the beginning. But the prayers were kind of ridiculous in the very beginning.
Joshua Boswell: Now hold on, I just want to clarify that. No prayer is ridiculous. No prayer… every little effort is noticed by God, right?
Jeremy Terrell: Right right right right. Absolutely. Absolutely.
Joshua Boswell: This is the same one that notices the sparrow fall. This is the… You can do the worst prayer ever, and He's grateful.
Catherine Terrell: That’s right.
Joshua Boswell: But… Less effective.
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah, that’s right. They weren’t all a lot of substance. Because again, it is something you have to become very vulnerable.
Catherine Terrell: Yes. And be willing to say what's on your heart.
Jeremy Terrell: That’s right.
Joshua Boswell: In front of your spouse. And God.
Jeremy Terrell: That’s right. And what I know is being vulnerable in the right time frames with each other is huge. And allowing that. So in prayers, we had to learn how to be vulnerable…
Catherine Terrell: Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: …And kind of put ourselves out there a little bit. That we normally wouldn’t do any other way.
Margie Boswell: To share what you’re worried about or stressed about. The challenges you’re having.
Jeremy Terrell: That's right. And…
Catherine Terrell: Or even sometimes the way you speak to God… I remember a time when I was worried about something. And there's a certain way that you talk to God when you're worried about something. Like, Hey God, I'm worried about this. And then you have to kind of put that out there. And if you're praying together then you put that out there in front of your spouse. Who probably also knows that you’re worried
Joshua Boswell: Right.
Catherine Terrell: But at the same time it was a learning curve.
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah, so I mean initially started off probably like, Hey thank we’re thankful for each other.
Joshua Boswell: Because as couples, we do… especially early on, there are masks. There are barriers.
Margie Boswell: I don’t want him to see this side of me. I’m so weak.
Joshua Boswell: Right, and especially there's some insecurities like, Well man, if my wife sees me in that state, is she really gonna still love me? Right?
Jeremy Terrell: Sure.
Joshua Boswell: Because that's a real thing for a lot of couples. It’s like… I don’t know if I’m going to open up like that.
Catherine Terrell: Right, right.
Joshua Boswell: So, being vulnerable. Love that. Super powerful.
Jeremy Terrell: Yep. And we just matured as we did, but we did it. And, now we pray about our kids together and we pray about her job, my job, we pray about others. We pray about finances.
Catherine Terrell: We pray about the church congregation, we pray about… you know.
Jeremy Terell: Other family members, friends. We pray about people that we heard need prayers. You guys had a big situations, we pray for you guys.
Margie Boswell: Aww you guys are so nice.
Jeremy Terrell: Yeah…
Catherine Terrell: For sure!
Joshua Boswell: It's working. We're still alive!
Margie Boswell: The tree didn’t fall on us!
Jeremy Terrell: And so they have become great. But it was a process. And I think it’s important to think… I mean, ours was a little bit faster I think. Because we're really also diving into religion together. Heavily.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: And so I think it became a little bit easier, but even if you're not, just stick with because it’s really involved.
Catherine Terrell: It is involved.
Jeremy Terrell: And as it evolves, you both grow from it.
Catherine Terrell: And we… I mean, not to get too specific, but we take turns, right? We joke a little bit about whos turn it is, right? But we take turns about who says the prayer…
Joshua Boswell: I can never remember who’s turn it is…
Catherine Terrell: I know…
Joshua Boswell: And sometimes, know you, Margie will be like, You know you’ve asked me to pray like 10 nights in a row? Not that I mind, I’m just letting you know.
Catherine Terrell: That’s so funny.
Joshua Boswell: And I’m like, Oh… uh, I’ll say it tonight.
Catherine Terrell: I always say, It’s your turn. Always. Every day I say it’s his turn. Like, No, I said it yesterday. Okay, that’s fine. But…
Margie Boswell: Get to bare your soul.
Catherine Terrell: That's right. But yeah, we take turns, and we pray about all kinds of different things. We always thank Heavenly Father for the things that we have.
Joshua Boswell: Yeah, you mentioned gratitude earlier.
Catherine Terrell: Yes, and how sometimes we ask Him for certain things and then other times we just have a gratitude prayer.
Jeremy Terrell: And here's a side note for twice a day. Pray in the morning together. Pray about things that you need, want, desire. Pray for each other. And then at the end of the night, it's kind of a self-check on how you did with your spouse.
Joshua Boswell: Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
Jeremy Terrell: Especially if it's your turn.
Margie Boswell: Right!
Jeremy Terell: It’s like, I prayed for her this morning, that she would have a great day, and then at the night pray for her to have a great night’s sleep and hope she had a great day. And I'm like, Did I do anything to help her have a good day?
Joshua Boswell: Did I do anything….? Right. Or did you do something to hinder that… Like, aww man…
Margie Boswell: Forgive me, please…
Joshua Boswell: Right.
Jeremy Terrell: It’s just another check or balance on being a team.
Joshua Boswell: Love it.
Catherine Terrell: Well, I heard a quote this morning that kind of falls in line with this. And I don't have it memorized or anything. But the idea is that if you pray together with your spouse and you pray together with your family, then you begin to be united in your efforts. And you want the same things because you're hearing each other's concerns throughout the week or the month or whatever. And then you become kind of all on the same page.
I mean, again, we've been married four years. We're kind of growing into a more prayerful life, especially with our family. And I think we've sort of mastered praying together… at least in some respects. And we’re growing into… we do pray as a family but not as often as we'd like.
Joshua Boswell: Sure.
Catherine Terrell: So we're growing into that. But I thought that was so cool to think, Yeah. Absolutely. Of course it unifies you. Because you're praying to the same Heavenly Father every single time, of course it unifies you.
Joshua Boswell: One of the things that keeps coming to mind as I'm listening is… Almost like you're saying you're counseling with God, right? And it's like you recognize that He's a loving Heavenly Father, He's got all knowledge, all power, and so you're having this dialogue. Asking for things, being grateful for things, but also listening. And then coming up with ideas and answers, impressions to move forward with your life.
And it's evident. I mean, you can see the dynamics in the chemistry between the two of you. It's just beautiful, really cool.
Anything else you guys would like to share? Or Margie, I don’t know if you have any impressions? Anything that comes up? Is there something I should have asked you that I didn't, and you’re thinking, Oh I wish he would’ve asked me this, we could’ve talked about this one particular point?
Jeremy Terrell: You got anything Catherine?
Catherine Terrell: I can’t think of anything.
Joshua Boswell: Okay.
Margie Boswell: It's been wonderful. We've learned a lot listening!
Catherine Terrell: I know, it’s been fun.
Margie Boswell: Thank you for sharing these amazing things.
Jeremy Terrell: We could do this all day.
Joshua Boswell: Good. We’ll do it again.
Margie Boswell: Yes, we will.
Joshua Boswell: Now, I just want to talk to our listeners and our watchers here. I know that you, Catherine, are working right now on putting together a number of courses and classes and resources for couples, and for individuals who struggle with some level of anxiety or, trauma or challenges in their life.
Catherine Terrell: Yes.
Joshua Boswell: And obviously that affects marriage. And I think that you have a program coming out called Two Steps to Calm, right?
Catherine Terrell: I do. Yeah.
Joshua Boswell: Cool. So tell us just briefly about that because I think that… It's a Free resource, right?
Catherine Terrell: Yeah. It’s a free resource. Right. It’s a very quick video class that will take you through a couple of different steps to learn how to calm yourself really quickly.
Joshua Boswell: Right.
Catherine Terrell: It's really designed to help people with anxiety or panic attacks, or maybe anxiety attacks, or different things like that. Any kind of anxiety episode. And how do you, in the moment, really bring yourself back down. Right. If you're having racing thoughts or if you're having heart palpitations or any of those things. So, yeah…
Joshua Boswell: And I love how simple you’ve made it. There’s two steps to help lower that thermostat right away. It’s awesome.
Catherine Terrell: Yeah, it's good.
Joshua Boswell: And think about how good that would be in terms of marriages where you got one or both the spouses that pop off or have some kind of anxiety?
Catherine Terrell: Yeah. Two steps.
Joshua Boswell: Just… calm down.
Margie Boswell: I heard Catherine speak to a girls camp. All these young, teenage girls that are having anxiety and some things. And they all loved it. And they were so excited to implement it. I've heard even our girls talk about it.
Catherine Terrell: That’s so great.
Margie Boswell: It makes a difference.
Catherine Terrell: So fun. And like I said, it's becoming such a…. it’s a growing problem nonetheless. Especially for the generation kind of underneath us
Joshua Boswell: Totally. Yep. So that can be…
Margie Boswell: What’s the website?
Joshua Boswell: It’s just www.2StepsToCalm.com. Right?
Catherine Terrell: Yep, 2StepsToCalm.com.
Margie Boswell: And it’s with the number 2, right?
Joshua Boswell: Yeah. Well… we're really clever. We know some people will spell it so we got them both. But yes, the number 2, 2StepsToCalm.com, you can get a hold of that. Again, it's a free resource. You can sign up for it.
Catherine Terrell: Yeah. Watch it. It’s awesome.
Joshua Boswell: And take advantage of all the years of your experience and insights. So…
Catherine Terrell: Yeah! For sure.
Joshua Boswell: Well guys, this has been awesome. Thank you so much for joining us.
Catherine Terrell: Thank you! It’s been so fun.
Jeremy Terrell: It was great.
Joshua Boswell: Can’t wait to see how your marriage continues to evolve, like you said you’re growing and doing lots of different things.
Margie Boswell: Yes, grow and blossom.
Joshua Boswell: Can’t wait to see how our marriage improves as we apply a number of these things.
Margie Boswell: Yes, apply these things.
Jeremy Terrell: Great.
Joshua Boswell: So… we really appreciate it. A
Catherine Terrell: Well thank you.
Joshua Boswell: Bye now.